The last of my series on the benefit of the doubt may seem silly. I’m going to suggest that we offer the benefit of the doubt to the peripheral players in our world: to the person who cut you off in traffic; to the person with a full cart in the express lane at the grocery store; to the colleague who just claimed credit for your work or who phoned in a job and left more to do in your lap; to the teacher who you feel came down too hard on your child; to the person with the political bumper sticker you abhor. These people can add a ton of stress and dysregulation to our lives. We can get spun up and angry or overwhelmed. We (or maybe it’s just me?) can spend hours in our heads giving them a piece of our minds or imagining the perfect quip to show them the light. They often take up real estate in our minds and our nervous systems they don’t deserve or need.
I know it’s a heavy lift but maybe, as you grumble, or flip the guy off, or ponder sending an angry email, or just stew, you can offer yourself, and then them, a little grace. You don’t know the reality of their day or their lives. It’s possible they are jerks, or sub-par at their jobs, or selfish or narcissistic. It is also possible that they were late, or stressed, or distracted by some important problem, or in over their heads, or exhausted. Maybe they were misbehaving to help them cope with some deep suffering of their own. You’ll probably never know, so you can assume the worst of them and allow yourself to become a little more angry or distressed or resentful. Or, you can try assuming the best and see if some of your ease returns.
